swinging ape here


      There were two guys just having a chat and talking about things in general, when one of them said to the other, "Do you realise that it's apparently a fact that one in five people in the world are Chinese and I have been thinking very carefully about that because it would seem to directly affect my family?"
      The other fellow stared at the first guy and said "What the devil do you mean? I don't see how it could affect your family at all."
      The first guy then said "Well you should understand it, because if its really true then it is bound to affect my family as there are five people in the family."
      The other fellow looked puzzled, stared at his friend and asked "What exactly do you mean?"
      The first guy then said "Look your not stupid are you? Its almost as plain as the nose on your face. It's obvious is it not. There are exactly five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Surely you can see that? It's either my mum or my dad. Or perhaps my older brother, Colin. Or even my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I really do think that it must be Colin!"

      These two fellows were having lively a chat in their local Bar.
      One of them was explaining to the other that to Drink and Drive was a really bad idea.
      The other one began to object saying that he always knew when he was too drunk to drive.
      This led the first one to interject and refute his friend's claim about always knowing when not to drive.
      His friend then asked if he would like to place a large bet on it.
      This makes the first guy rather shirty and he says "Yeah, I'll bet you fifty quid that you haven't a clue when you have had too much drink to drive."
      The second guy then says, "Well I think the best way that we can settle this is if I explain exactly how I know. What do think?"
      The first guy agrees and says "Well go ahead let me hear you explain!"
      This leads the second guy to begin his explanation.
      "I can always tell by the tree" he says.
      "That's no explanation at all, what do you mean you can always tell by the tree?" his friend says, with a puzzled expression.
      "Well, I know that I am too drunk to drive when I swerve to miss the tree and then realize it is the air freshener. Now can I have that fifty pounds, please?"